“Is he eating too much candy?”
“I should make preservative-free Spaghettios instead of buying these…”
“Am I doing enough holiday crafts?”
“Do I have enough paint handprints to last a lifetime??”
“Should I get sugar free apple juice?”
“Am I rocking him too long for naps?”
“Should I be doing devotions with him?”
“He doesn’t have enough space to play…”
“Should I get him better books?”
“Should I start him in an activity?”
“Am I spending enough time with him?”
“Is it bad for me to leave him alone long enough to do laundry?”
….couldn’t you just smack me, NOW?!
This was my brain. For two years, this was my brain. MOMMY GUILT OVERLOAD.
I felt like, no matter what I did, I wasn’t a good enough mom. I felt that I needed to be in the floor, playing with my child 24/7, with only chores done during naps or bedtime. But when would I spend time with my husband?!
Then, I started Kelly Minter’s “No Other Gods” Bible study. Within the first two days, God broke down my Mommy-Guilt Walls and I was able to breathe,
A god. Anything that takes our focus or attention away from God is a god. Anything we serve is a god. (yikes).
I was going through my days, frantically praying that I was “good enough”, all the while, serving no one but myself through my mommy-guilt. I wasn’t finding joy in motherhood, I was simply obsessing and comparing myself to who I thought I should be. I needed to be comparing myself to God and no one else.
When I started to see myself through God’s eyes, I was able to let go of the burden of mommy-guilt. God chose me to be a mommy to these two precious, albeit ornery, boys WAY before I had them with me. I was good enough in His eyes, THEN. Before preservative-free candy was even a thought. Before holiday crafts filled up my Pinterest boards. God chose me BEFORE those things entered my mind.
My purpose, as a mommy to these two mini-men, is to raise them to be Godly men. Period. As long as they love God and serve Him with their heart, soul, and mind, I have done my work as a mommy. As long as they love people and put others’ needs before their own, I have done my work as a mommy.
This purpose isn’t served through obsessing about whether or not I’m good enough. God decided that. Now it’s my job to carry through with it, while holding onto HIS hand as tight as I possibly can each and every day. Because, to be honest, I’m clueless on how to raise Godly children without God telling me how.
So, it’s okay that S has watched 6 episodes of UmiZoomi today. He’s also pretended shoe laces were spaghetti, counted blocks, read books, laughed ALL morning, and instructed his daddy on how to say the alphabet.
At the end of the day, when S thanks God for “today” and “monkeys”…and bows his head to say, “thank you for food” before dinner…I know that I’m on the right track.
He’s happy. He’s learning. He’s praying.
My god needs to be My God. My focus and attention cannot be overrun with guilt, else I’m serving someone else, entirely.
“Whatever you do, do ALL to the glory of God.” 1 Corinthians 10:31
“I am reminded of your sincere faith, a faith that dwelt first in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice and now, I am sure, dwells in you as well.” 2 Timothy 1:5